Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
