well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
