Have you finally orgasmed yet?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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