Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
