Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
