make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
