i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
