Are we in a gay sports bar?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
