we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
high people should be assigned attendants
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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