Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
