separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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