Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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