it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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