Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
