You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
