If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
