i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
