in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
