she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
