The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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