You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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