Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
