What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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