I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
