He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
