Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
