i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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