its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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