do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
