i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
