I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
