Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
