Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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