i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
