I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
