ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
People in love make me want to vomit
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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