Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My pussy is not your playground.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
