Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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