Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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