remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
