Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
