Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
