youre lurking in front of me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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