Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
