Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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