Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
