Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
