Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
