he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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