HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
