Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
