I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
