Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
