It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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