Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
