I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
