I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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