We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
