I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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