I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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